Ok, finally got around to changing the introduction text. But as you can see, I'm too sianz to write a proper one, so am going to blabber on in hopes that you will get an idea of what sort of person I am by guessing. Yeah, the format of this blog is crap. I haven't got around to fixing it. Later lah.. Much later...
I only request one thing from the people I love - that they need me as much as I need them.
Once I feel that I occupy an insignificant position in a person's life, I cease to care about them. I don't care whether they die, I don't care whether they live. I will do what society requires of me. I will laugh in their company and cry at their funerals. But deep down inside, it will hardly matter to me either way.
I cannot love a person who doesn't need me around. Sometimes I feel, that my absence would make no real difference - I as a friend, a daughter, can be easily replaced by another. If it doesn't make a difference whether I'm there, then it doesn't make a difference to me whether you're there.
That's why I say I'm not capable of unconditional love. I have a condition to my love. I can forgive lies, backstabbing and betrayal, but not this.
Why? Because it is the key to my emotional stability. I place my emotional needs only in the hands of people whom I know I can trust. In a mutual emotional contract, I feel secure.
I'm very judicious in giving out this contract. I have the ultimate love for those I have given this contract to. I too love those whom I haven't given the contract to - albeit at a lesser level. But for those who break the contract, I have no love.
